The Derp Within
by insanierdouble
Summary: What would happen if Evil Within was made into a movie and had a bunch of screw ups on set? xD


HERE COMES THE LAUGHS. ENJOY. I do not own Psycho Break, aka The Evil Within, none of the characters are mine except for the jokes that happen on set with Seb and the cast.

"First day of shooting, Take 1..and action!" - Shinji Mikami, holding a plate with numbers and writing and labeled "The Evil Within" Beacon Memorial Hospital. Sebastian opens the entry door-

Seb covers his nose in disgust. Joseph delivers

"Smells like blood-"

Joseph almost trips himself on the stairs. He bends down and the cameras are unable to see him. Sebastian only looks at him trying not to lose his composure. Then he smirks and a laugh comes out.

"Really, Joseph!?"

"I'm sorry!"

"Cut!"

-Beep-

Jet's song "Do you Wanna be my Girl" plays as Sebastian uses two fake knives as drumsticks.

-Beep-

Now filming in scene were Seb is running away from The Sadist for the first time, he trips the wire making the alarm go off

"Oh shit."

He waits for the actor of Sadist to appear and...nothing happens. The sound of the chainsaw is roaring and camera shows Seb talking to the sound boom, but his voice is inaudible, confused.

_Translation _"There's no one there!"

-Beep-

Seb gets ahold of Green Gel for the first time (inside the mind world) but it slips and falls. He makes a shocked and scared face and turns to look at the camera.

"Whoops."

-Beep-

Scene at the entry way of the Hospital.

"I can be an extra set of eyes." Kidman says.

Seb looks down at her, fumbling his mouth and he chuckles.

"Cut!"

"Sorry Shin, I forgot my line." He smirks and Kidman laughs.

"Did you see the way he looked at me?" She points her thumb at the crew.

"I didn't mean it like that!"

"I know." She pats him on the shoulder.

-Beep-

Seb continues to play with the fake knives as drumsticks and is wearing a prop on his head the cast uses as the large nails they stick into the Haunted victims, and is getting into a beat. Joseph sticks his face from one side of the camera.

-Beep-

Tatiana the nurse yawns and almost slips off her chair, she giggles.

"We got that on film."

-Beep-

"How are you doing, Seb?"

Seb is upside-down tied to the ceiling for rehearsal, smiling and making a goofy face at the camera man

"Great, I love my job...wait...I think...get me down...I'm gonna puke."

A crew member rushes to him.

-Beep-

Scene outside the Church, Joseph is grabbing the Sniper Rifle and pretends to have trouble getting it out of the corpses grip, but its taking longer and the actor of the dead corpse teases him by not letting go.

"I'll kill you so much you die from it." He embraces his face with his hand.

Joseph bursts out laughing.

-Beep-

Offset, Ruvik is talking to the director, both are showing off and goofing off by making ridiculous poses.

-Beep-

The actors dressed up as Haunted are going after Seb over the bridge, one of the actors is seen talking on a cell phone

"This is not the time to call me! I'm on camera, you idiot!" He chuckles and tries to hide the phone with one hand

-Beep-

Seb continues to play with the fake knives. Joseph is laughing and talking to someone off camera as he sits next to him, then Kidman slowly shows her face on one side on camera

-Beep-

Music is stopped

Scene inside the church,

Seb listens to Joseph as the camera rolls

"Some part of me wants to turn,"

Jo takes off his glasses, delivering his act and doesn't notice Seb making faces at the camera but the crew keeps it rolling,

"I don't know why..and I can't reason it away..."

Seb makes a super fake freaked out expression at Joseph and starts to pace backwards,

"It's like,...instinct."

Seb walks away even further keeping his funny face at the camera and can't be seen and out of sight.

"And it's getting stronger." Joseph finishes, he sees Sebastian is about 15 feet further away from his mark on the floor.

"Well damn, I'm outta here." Seb starts to walk into the corner of the church with a stiff walking pose.

"Cut!" Oh my god, Seb that was...fucking brilliant."

-Music resumes-

The crew bursts out laughing.

-Beep-

Laura - aka Spider Lady is getting make up done and she waves at the camera,

'Sup, bitches?'

Then the camera quickly shots at Ruvik looking at it in fake horror.

-Beep-

All three, Seb , Jo, and Kidman are goofing off and now Ruvik and Marcelo join in chuckling, Ruvik takes one fake knife and pretends to stab himself over and over

-Beep-

Scene of the boss fight with Sentinel the mutated dog, the choreographers have trained Seb and Jo how to react to the invisible dog, the special effects people will take care of the rest.

"Action!"

The wall behind the two men explodes and their queue to run starts, the camera gets to Joseph, Joseph is attached to strings, the purpose of them is to make it appear like Sentinel attacks him, but this time the strings aren't the ones that bring him down, before Joseph could react, Sebastian randomly comes out of nowhere and jump attacks him, which was NOT scripted.

"OH JESUS!" Joseph yells in surprise.

-Beep-

Shinji Mikami is shaking his head, and tiredly walks away from the set.

"I think I'm regretting all this." He says.

-Beep-

Music changes to Michael Jackson's "Thriller", the Haunted actors goof off and dance along with it.

-Beep-

Back at the scene of the church, Joseph says his lines again and after he says "It's getting stronger," Sebastian just loses it and starts laughing,

"Cut."

"What is so funny!?" Joseph looks at the camera and points his thumb at him in disbelief.

"Every day, I put up with him..every day."

-Beep-

Scene of where Sebastian does the brain puzzles, he touches the fake brain with a finger and does a fake girly scream.

-Beep-

Scene of where Seb, Joseph, and Kidman are being chased by Heresy, the giant spider, and of course they have to use their imaginations to do their parts.

"Action!"

The broken down bus they are in shakes violently, they all pretend to look at it in horror.

Suddenly Joseph runs and jumps off the bus,

''YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN KILL RUVIK YOURSELVES!" he screams.

The rest of the crew laughs

FIN


End file.
